Monday, April 12, 2010

Musings on quads

If you have read back far enough in this blog, you know that my very first pregnancy started out as quads and that very early on two babies were lost (think 9 weeks and earlier). At the time, this didn't phase me much as I still had twins and jeez, I can't fathom trying to carry quads. Of course, you would also know how badly that pregnancy ended at just past 20 weeks, losing both boys and ending my very first pregnancy with zero babies to take home. In the past few years, I've had time to wonder about all 4 of those babies. While my boys are the most real to me, having held them in my arms, it has also occured to me that those other 2 were there... who were they.

And it occured to me suddenly the other day - I have them, both of them. I think that explains my sense of contentment and completion to some extent. I have held all 4 of my angels. It's like two of them knew things were going to end badly and they decided they needed to try later. Three boys and a girl. Those are my quads. It's a wierd thing to say or even think but in my heart, it makes sense. Four little souls. Two angels for the two on earth.

I wish we were getting to walk this year. I finally feel ready to have all four of my babies walked for. I really can't imagine taking the girl though. That's a lot of people (hence a lot of germs) and I don't want to expose her to that yet. Of course, I'll be exposing her to daycare soon enough, but that's a different post for later. There's always next year though. If you get an opportunity, support a March for Babies walker.

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