With that thought, I decided that I'd scribble down some thoughts. Just cause. I am sometimes amazed at the power of simple things. How music can complement your mood or totally change it. How talking to friends can cheer you up. How wondering about people who you don't talk to anymore can consume your thoughts. And actually, that last one has been on my mind the past couple of days.
I had a really large group of friends at one point when I lived in Rhode Island. These people were people that I truly thought would always be there. Certainly some of them were there when I needed somebody. Perhaps, that was their purpose. And yet I still wonder some days. I still think about where they might be, might be doing. They don't seem to wonder about me though, and that makes me question things. What was the relationship really about?
I tried to look some of them up on blogs, but they were all either friends only or there was nothing current there (like posts that were from 3 and 4 years ago). Common sense would say that I should see if there's contact info somewhere, or that I should ask to added as a friend. So why don't I? I think it's mostly the nagging feeling that these are people who made no effort to maintain a friendship when I was only an hour away. What would they really be willing to do at this distance?
Maybe I'm being lazy, but part of me feels like I'm not a hard person to find. If a person wanted to find me then they could, easily. But there's been no effort made on the other side and perhaps I feel a bit slighted. It could be time to let go of the thought that these were people that really mattered.
Then on the other side there are people who do reach out. In fact, most of those people make an effort over several hundred miles and that really means something. In some cases, I can still carry on a conversation even though it's been years since we talked last. This gives me hope.
There are two months left to this year before a new one begins (according to the pagan calendar) and 4 months left to the year, according to the regular calendar. In all cases, a new start is needed. Maybe what I really need to do is make sure that all those chapters are ended before new ones open up.
Or quite possibly, I need a nap. :P