Tuesday, July 3, 2007

My little angels

My little boys were so tiny and precious. I need to get some of this out. Writing seems like it might help.

Liam and Conner...much loved by their mommy and daddy, born 7/2/07. They're perfect. What else can I say? There aren't any 2 babies more loved. They could have been anything. They get to be angels.

There are a million what ifs going through my head. What if I went to the hospital sooner? What if I rested more? Drank more water? Did I miss something? Did I eat something bad?

My job for the first nine months was to just keep them safe. My heart is breaking because I couldn't do that. I got them all to myself for 5 months. I got to see pictures. I heard their little hearts beat. I would do anything for a chance to do it all again. I would give up the rest of my life if they could just have theirs. This pain is terrible.

I got to hold them both. I kissed them both. I told them mommy loved them.

Now I have to go on. Without them.

Liam, Conner, mommy loves you. She always will.

6 comments:

Taradactyl in a Modern World said...

My heart breaks for you. I am sending healing thoughts and hoping you will find the pain more bearable soon.

mamalove said...

Oh Mama, I'm thinking of you and your family and praying for some little bit of peace, anything, to come your way.

Suzanne said...

So very sorry you had to go thru this. I bet your boys are the cutest angels up there :)

mum2nora said...

I have been thinking about you ever since I heard the news. I just wanted to let you know that you are and will continue to be in my thoughts as you go through this time of loss. I wish there was something to be said that would ease your pain.

De-Lovely said...

Peace and healing mama....take your time....I will be thinking of you and your dh...

Stacie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I read your post at the MDC DDC. I can only imagine what you are going through. Your story brought tears and memories and I'll be thinking of you.