Thursday, July 5, 2007

The little things

Baby steps. That's how I've been getting through my days. It seems to be working, although I don't think I'll be starting a cheer anytime soon. We've gotten some flowers (which are beautiful) and lots of people just letting us know that they're thinking of us. It's nice to know. It's not the way I'd have opted to find this out though.

There are still little things... You know those things. The ones that make you stop unexpectedly and cry, mourning what's lost. I think those are the hardest because they come out of nowhere. One moment you'll be fine and the next the world is wondering what's wrong. But I've made it this far. I'm willing to bet I'll make it a little further. There are still plenty of things that are making me wonder what steps to take next in my life. Maybe I've just reevaluated what's truly important.

Surprisingly, the boys' room doesn't upset me yet. It's actually kind of comforting. Maybe that's where their spirits ended up. Maybe that will change. Eventually it will become a room for another little one, I imagine. Maybe that will change my feelings about the room. That's one of those wait and see things. I don't think I'll know until I actually get there. But that all goes back to the baby steps.

Right now, it's hour by hour. Eventually, I'm sure I'll get back to day by day. I know for sure that every night for the rest of my life I'll say goodnight to my little angels before I go to sleep.

1 comment:

Stacie said...

One thing I learned from my loss is that I will forever feel and think things that surprise me. There is so much that you go through in your head. A lot of what I thought and what I felt caught me by surprise and yes, there were days where, like you said, you're fine one minute than bawling the next. But it's okay, it's simply part of the process.